Long Lost Hugs
by LenniluvsBrian
Summary: She had tried and she had failed. She was nothing but a failure and disappointment to her family.
1. Musings

June 10th, 2010

A.N.: This is a little excerpt from The Trials. I couldn't resist writing it. It started off as one thing, & ended up as this. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Only own Lenni, & story idea. Nickelodeon now owns TMNT, & everyone else owns themselves.

* * *

A young girl sat crouched watching her brother in secret. She didn't want him to know she was there spying on him, as then he'd make a huge deal out of nothing.

"Shell, he's _really_ good," she mused wistfully, as she watched him perform a few more moves. He was the only one she knew who could perfect practically anything and everything he did. He was a perfectionist, much to her annoyance some days – okay, well, a whole lot of days. "_Dude_, I wish _I_ were that good."

She watched him do a back flip with ease, not once losing grip of his chosen weapon. He was skilled much more than she'd ever be with hers. He was also boring, bossy, punctual, persistent, frustrating, and a time Nazi. But then again, he was also brave, strong, compassionate, well-mannered, independent, stubborn, loyal, and fearless. Yes, he was fearless indeed – in her eyes anyway, and the eyes of her sisters.

"Why's he gotta be so good at everything?" She griped silently. "Why's he gotta be so perfect? No wonder Sensei loves him best. He can do _anything_ and not trip over his own damn weapon."

She glanced down at the weapon she had angrily thrown to the ground out of pure frustration. She'd been practicing a little bit, before she realized she'd company on the other side of the bush. She didn't want for anyone to see her practicing – well, struggling is more like it. She was _nowhere_ near as good with her weapon as her brothers and sisters were with theirs. Figured she'd be the black sheep of the family, unable to do anything right no matter how hard she tried sometimes.

"Why do they think I gave up?" She sighed, still staring down at her much-hated weapon. "It got too hard, and I didn't wanna admit defeat. They think I'm just being difficult. Well, maybe I'm trying to actually get _someone_ – _anyone_ – to notice that it's all _too_ hard for me. I _don't_ understand it and need help. I'm _not_ like everyone else. I'm all fingers and feet, and just _clumsy_."

She scowled, then glanced back up to see just what her brother was doing. She'd hoped he hadn't sensed her presence. He was good at stuff like that too. He didn't always need to see you, to know where you were at – he just _knew_.

"I _hate_ you because you _don't_ see what I _need_ you to see," she mused, as he did a flying high kick. "I _hate_ you because you _never_ caught on that I _need_ help and _don't_ understand; that I'm _slower_ than the rest."

She felt hot, unwanted tears brim her eyes then and brushed them away briskly. Shell. She was going to start crying like a little baby now. That's all she ever did was cry and throw stupid tantrums and make everyone angry with her. That's _all_ she was good at. That's _all_ she'd _ever_ be good at.

Sure everyone kept telling her she was bright and that she'd get the hang of it eventually, but was she _really_ and would she _ever_? She sure didn't feel all that bright, or as though what came easy to her siblings would ever come and grace her the same way. She felt as though she were out of luck, so why bother trying to begin with anymore. She _had_ tried and shehad_ failed. _She was _nothing_ but a failure and disappointment to her family.

Even when she'd thought they'd be better off without her, it had ended badly. She'd run off and gotten beat up and everyone ended up grounded for lying about her whereabouts. Though, she had learned that day, that her siblings _did_ still care for her. They _had_ sent a search party out for her – which had been made up of about half her siblings.

"I didn't scream for _you_ until I was being patched up," she recalled wordlessly. "When I saw the needles, all I wanted was for _you_ to make them go _away_."

She watched him carry on, his body moving fluidly. Though all her brothers were good with weapons, and each had their own unique style, she thought the one she was watching to be the best. He could move quieter than a mouse, and was super quick, and ready to serve and protect. He'd do anything for his family, even if it meant placing all the blame for something gone wrong on himself.

"I wonder if he blames himself for me being the way I am?" She pondered. "For me not wanting to be like him and the others."

She felt herself leaning too far forward then, and caught herself before she could tumble into the bush and out the other side. She really didn't want to be caught – not while she was mulling things over in her head.

"If only he _knew_ just _how_ badly I want to be like _him_ and the others," she sighed heavily, but not too audibly. "Yeah, so my weapon of choice is not the ones he uses, but I still want to feel like I'm apart of this family. I'm tired of feeling like the outcast. If only people knew how to start a deep conversation with me, without me getting so damned defensive. They're my _family_. They're _supposed_ to be able to help me out when I've problems that need solving. So why do I always feel like I can't trust them enough to share my secrets with? Well, with the exception of one – though, he doesn't even know all what I am thinking right now, just yet."

She knocked a grasshopper off her leg, managing not to freak out about it. She hated bugs with a passion!

"Why can't I be courageous, like you?" She whined silently. "If only I had your courage, then I could manage to speak up and tell everyone that I _do_ indeed want to be ninja. That I only protest the trials, because I know there's just _no_ way I could ever possibly pass them – _no_ matter _how_ hard I try. I've been doomed to fail since the start."

She heard someone else coming then, and ducked down further behind the bush that was keeping her hidden from her one brother.

"Hey, Leo, Mikey wants to know if you're coming for dinner or what," a dark green turtle in a red bandana stated. "He's made hot dogs, burgers, and salad. And apparently somethin' good for dessert."

"Yeah, I'm coming, Raph," the turtle – Leo - that she had been watching, replied. "Are the girls all there?"

"I'll give you one guess, as to which one is missing," Raph smirked. "Though, that shouldn't be too hard, considering she ran out on practice earlier."

She held her breath, as Leo turned and looked directly at her, though she was sure he couldn't see her. She'd crouched down so low behind the bush; she was practically lying in the grass.

""I'll go look for her," Leo told his brother. "No sense in her going hungry."

Raph shook his head. "I say we let the little Runt fend for herself. Maybe then she'd shape up a little, no matter how short the leash Sensei has her on is. She needs to get a grip on things, and accept the fact that she's going to be ninja whether she likes it or not."

She found herself feeling a little offended by Raph's words. Okay, true he didn't know how she truly felt about the whole ninja thing, but still. Mikey didn't know the whole story, and yet he just accepted her the way he was, and was there for her, whenever she needed a shoulder to lean on – no matter what the reason may be.

Leo shook his head. "You know she's too many dreams that she doesn't want to give up just yet. Despite her naivety I'm sure she knows deep down that a good lot of them are never going to happen, because of who we are."

She glanced down, trying to hold on to her little bit of hope that Leo was wrong; that all her dreams _would_ come true, despite who they were.

"Whatever," Raph grunted. "I'm going back, before I miss out on all the real food, and get stuck with them leafy greens."

"I'll be along momentarily," Leo assured him. "Just going to finish what I was doing first."

She watched as Raph nodded, and tromped on back towards the farmhouse. They were currently at April's farmhouse, vacationing. Which was the reason they were all up top and not hidden down in the sewers like usual.

Once Raph had left, she moved her eyes to find Leo once more – only he was nowhere to be seen. Figured. He was a true ninja, so he could move fast when he wanted to, and go unseen.

"Did you enjoy the show?" A voice spoke in an amused tone.

She jumped slightly, falling over into the grass and landing on top her woodened weapon. She groaned, then looked up at the one who had spoken in surprise. She went to speak, but no words came out.

"Klunk's got your tongue again, I see," he mused, referring to Mikey's beloved feline companion.

She should've known he'd know she was there. She'd even reminded herself a few times how he was a true ninja, and was amazing at the mental aspects of it all, and not just the fighting part.

"Shell!" She thought inwardly. "The mental aspects! Damn it all! I forgot he can read minds!"

She glanced up at her brother in blue nervously, expecting him to appear angry or to start demanding answers. Instead, she found him leaning up against the one tree casually, a small smile playing on his lips.

"You never answered my question," he reminded, though for once his tone wasn't lecturing.

"It was all right," she shrugged indifferently, as she managed to get up, her weapon still lying on the ground behind her. "I've seen better."

In truth, the only one better than her brother in blue was their father – their Sensei. _No one_ was a better ninja than Master Splinter.

She eyed Leo skeptically, not sure what to expect from him. She was used to him nagging her to get to her lessons, and to try harder, and such things. This side of him – well, she hadn't seen this side of him in a long while. More than likely because of her own doing though. If she weren't such a doofus, then maybe he'd be nicer to her and more brother-like, rather than be all stern ninja leader all the time.

"What does he want from me?" She wondered, looking away again after a moment. She never was able to hold his gaze for long – it always made her feel as though she'd done something wrong. Only this time, she knew she hadn't. Well, except for spying on him; there was _no_ way he could've known she'd been disrespecting her weapon - again.

"You're coming back for dinner, right?" Leo questioned finally, after a few more long moments of silence.

She nodded, unable to find her voice once more. Usually she was yelling at him and being rebellious, but right now, well, she actually felt like _hugging_ him. Though, why she felt like that, she'd no idea. Maybe it was the way he was standing there all relaxed, for once not breathing down her neck about something she'd done. Heck, come to think of it, she couldn't even _remember_ the last time she _had_ hugged him.

"You were eight," Leo answered her unspoken question. "You'd a really bad nightmare, and came to me instead of Mikey for some reason."

She looked up at him wide-eyed. Not so much because he'd been reading her thoughts, but because that particular nightmare suddenly came flooding back to her. She remembered it all clearly now. She'd eaten pizza before bed, despite being told not to, and had, had a nightmare and tummy-ache because of it.

"You never did ask what the dream was about," she finally managed to speak, though quietly. "Or why I wanted my tummy rubbed."

"I thought maybe if I didn't ask questions, you'd forget about it, and it wouldn't come back," Leo shrugged. "As for the other, well, I'd figured you'd get a tummy ache from the pizza. That part was easy to figure out."

"I should've listened," she admitted, then thought inwardly, "I should start listening to things now too."

She could feel Leo watching her, though he'd gone silent once more. With his eyes on her, though she was remembering that horrible dream, she felt safe, believe it or not. Remembering the dream was making her want to hug her brother in blue even more. The nightmare had been about _him_ not coming home from battle, and had spooked her pretty bad. It _still_ spooked her pretty bad, anytime she happened to actually remember it.

"He's gonna think I'm an _idiot_," she fretted silently. "I haven't hugged him in _four_ years! Not even on my birthday _or_ his. And now suddenly I _want_ to hug the one I hate? How the _shell_ does this even make any sense?"

She eyed him again, as she chewed on her lower lip contemplatively. Finally, she gave in. The strong need to hug her brother in blue, overpowering her need to hate him for once.

Leo was surprised at first, when his littlest sister suddenly flung herself at him. Though, he didn't say a word, as he wrapped his arms around her in a strong, protective hug. He loved her dearly, despite all the problems she tended to cause, and the fact she always made like she hated him. But, this right here – this single, solitary moment – proved otherwise. She did indeed still love him after all.

After a few more moments, they slowly pulled apart. "C'mon Lenni, grab your bo, and let's go get some dinner."

"You think Sensei's gonna be mad I ran off?" Lenni asked softly, as she picked her bo up off the ground and placed it back into its holder on her back. "I don't think I meant to run."

"Don't worry about it," Leo replied, draping his arm over her shoulders in a big-brotherly way. "I'll take care of Sensei."

Lenni looked up at him in shock; she was surprised _he_ wasn't angry with her for running off. Usually he was, so why wasn't he now?

"Let's not ruin a good thing," Leo smiled down at her. He really didn't want to ruin the moment they had just shared – he'd worked _hard_ for that!

Lenni nodded, smiling up at him shyly. She was glad to see this side of her oldest brother once more. She had missed him.

The two of them headed on back to the farmhouse, making small talk along the way. Though, once the farmhouse was in sight, Leo removed his arm from her shoulders, knowing she wouldn't want the barrage of questions that would be sure to come, if they'd continued on like that.

Lenni glanced around to ensure no one had spotted them whatsoever, before hugging her brother tight once more. "Thank Leo."

Leo kissed her head swiftly, before letting her out of his embrace. He knew these moments were getting rare, and he intended to treasure everyone of them. He gave her a warm smile, then headed on out towards the farmhouse.

Lenni watched Leo quietly, as she trailed along behind him, but back far enough that no one would question her about her actions. She knew deep down she loved him. She always had. She just didn't always know how to show it, or feel that she could. Besides, part of her _still_ hated him for not noticing things he should've noticed. But he _was_ her brother, and she _knew_ without a doubt he'd do _whatever_ he could to keep _her_ and the _rest_ of their family _safe_ – and she _loved_ him for _that_.


	2. Trying to Solve the Mystery

June 10th, 2010

Leo reached their family first, and grabbed up a burger and some salad. He was starving after the work out he had done. He watched silently as his littlest sister made her way over to everyone, and wordlessly took a cheeseburger.

Lenni was just about to sit down, when Master Splinter decided to speak up.

"I see you have decided to join us, Lenore," Master Splinter commented. "We have much to discuss after you have eaten. Leaving practice early will not be tolerated, young one."

Lenni huffed slightly, and shot Leo a brief look as if to say, '_See!_'

"Don't worry about it, Sensei," Leo piped up, keeping his promise. "I already chewed her out quite well, hence her mood."

Master Splinter nodded. "That is fine. Thank-you Leonardo."

Leo nodded, daring to cast Lenni a look of his own, to let her know he hadn't lied about having her back – this time. Next time though, might be a different story – he couldn't always grant her leniency, though this was the first time in a long time that he had. Usually he called her out on everything – but he only wanted for her to succeed.

She worried him the most out of all twelve of his little sisters. What with her ninjitsu being what it was, and the way she reacted to everything. It was all a disaster, just waiting to happen. But now, he understood just a little bit better. Yes, he had heard her most inner thoughts – not all of them, but enough to figure out what the rest just might be.

He glanced her way once more, when he heard her laughing along with the other girls. Apparently something funny had gone down, and he'd missed out on it.

"Donnie, next time, try not to spit your water in my direction, will you?" TMNTPunker exclaimed, grabbing some napkins to dry herself off. "Just – eew!"

"Sorry," Donnie coughed.

Leo chuckled softly, then went back to mulling things over once more. He knew he had to figure out the solution to this little problem named Lenni. Because if things kept up as they were, the end results weren't going to be very pretty at all.

"So she hates me for not noticing…" He thought. "But what is it that she wants me to take notice of?"

He took another bite of his burger, then shoveled in some salad. He knew his sister hated being ninja – she voiced it often enough. But, did she really hate being ninja? Or was she just putting on an act to get more attention?

"It'd be just like her to do that," he mused. "She'll do just about anything for some attention. But all that ever gets her is negative attention. "

He was beginning to become more confused than ever. He really wished he had've heard all of her inner battle, rather than just snippets of it. True, he could've tuned in fully, but that would've called for him to break his concentration on his kata; and if he'd done that she for sure would've clued in that he knew of her presence, and run.

"Why does she always insist on spying on me?" He wondered, daring to look over at her again. "She doesn't seem to spy on anyone else. Shell, I wish I could figure her out. She's more confusing than Raph's ever been."

Lenni darted a pointed _look_ over in her brother's direction, when she noticed him watching her for the second time in ten minutes. It was starting to grate on her nerves, and making her want to take back those hugs they'd shared. No matter _how_ good it had felt to hug him at long last.

Leo narrowed his eyes back at his littlest sister, mostly as he knew her current thoughts. The fact that he knew she was starting to wish she'd never hugged him at all, was starting to hurt – just a little. He wished he knew what he'd done to earn such treatment from her.

He sighed knowing it just might take him all night to figure everything out – maybe even longer. Though he could read others thoughts, he didn't like to invade his siblings' privacy; he usually tried to block their thoughts out, unless they were pleading for help or something of the likes.

Awhile later, dinner had finished and everyone had gone their own ways to do whatever their hearts desired until they felt tired enough for bed. Leonardo was sitting on the front porch swing, just relaxing for once, and watching his siblings all out in the yard – minus two.

He frowned a little seeing this, and wondered just what his littlest brother and his littlest sister were up to _now_. Sometimes when they both disappeared at once, it meant a prank would soon follow – though, sometimes it just meant the youngest of the clan needed someone to confide in. And like since forever, whenever she needed to talk, Lenni would steal Mikey away for a little while; so she could get her thoughts and feeling outs, and into her living, breathing diary of a brother.

"At least she confides in _someone_," Leo thought a little bitterly. "Though, I'm not even sure _Mikey_ knows the whole story of why she doesn't want to be ninja and gives us all such a hard time about everything."

It was after this thought, that he saw Mikey headed into the kitchen, coming from the direction of the stairs. He wondered something then, and stood, stretching a bit as he did so. Once he was able to move normally again, he headed on inside, then upstairs and towards the room the youngest four girls were staying in.

As he neared the room at the end of the hall, he could hear soft crying, and frowned. Why would she be crying if this were where Mikey had come from? Mikey never liked to make anyone cry, so he couldn't fathom him having done so now. Confused, he quietly knocked on the door, before opening it just a crack.

"Lenni?" He spoke softly, not wanting to startle the youngest turtle girl any.

"Just – go away," Lenni, whimpered in response, not bothering to turn towards the door.

Leo's frowned deepened as he further entered the room, only to find her sitting on the head of her bed, with her face buried in her hands. He watched for a moment as barely audible sobs racked through her small body. The girl may've been twelve, but she was still rather on the small side.

"What's wrong?" He asked, trying not to sound _too_ demanding. He really didn't want to ruin the rather good day the two of them had been having. "Did Master Splinter lecture you anyway?"

"No," Lenni managed to choke out. "He believes you chewed me out, and I'm not surprised he believed it. You're _always_ chewing me out for something."

Leo bit his tongue at her remark, not wanting to say something that would only upset her further. Even if she had a bit of a point. He wasn't always chewing her out intentionally; sometimes, it was just out of fear or concern for her safety.

"Then what's wrong?" Leo pressed gently, moving to sit next to her – surprised she even allowed him to do so. Normally she refused to let him anywhere _near_ her, unless Donnie had a needle in his hand. "What has gotten you so upset?"

"Nothing," Lenni answered, sniffling some.

"_Lenni_…"

"I'm a _girl_, Leo!" Lenni spat slightly. "Sometimes us _girls_ cry over _nothing_. Is _that_ alright with _you_?"

"Look, I didn't come in here to start a fight," Leo replied gently. "I just had a feeling something was wrong, and wanted to be sure you were all right."

"My well-being is _none_ of _your_ concern," Lenni growled. "That's _Mikey's_ job, and _his_ alone."

"I'm your brother," Leo reminded her. "It's my right to worry and such, when one of my siblings is upset."

"Well, don't bother worrying about me," Lenni grumbled. "It's not like you ever have before, so why start bothering now?"

"Hey, now," Leo said, grabbing her chin with his hand and forcing to look at him. "I have _always_ worried about you, and cared for you. I _love_ you, Kiddo. _When_ are you going to start realizing that?"

"When Hell freezes over," Lenni retorted, angrily pulling away from him.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Leo stated, sounding a little dejected. "I just wish I knew what I'd done to make you dislike me so much. I used to be your favourite brother at one point even – what happened?"

"I grew up and got a clue, that you _aren't_ as perfect as everyone seems to think," Lenni rejoined. "You make mistakes, _just_ like everyone else. And heroes are – they're just – well, they're just _not_ supposed to!"

"_Hero_?" Leo thought silently. "_I_ was her _hero_? Since _when_?"

"I'm sorry to have disappointed you," he spoke aloud, standing as he did so. "If you need me, I'll be outside."

He turned to head for the door, only to suddenly feel her latch onto him a moment later. What was _with_ this kid? One minute she's _yelling_ at him, and the next she's _hugging_ him?

Lenni had seen the look on her brother's face, and suddenly felt horrible for having had snapped at him like she had. Sure, she snapped at him _all_ the time; but he'd _never_ looked so hurt before. This time, she actually felt _guilty_ for saying what she had. Wanting to make amends, she did the only thing she could think of – she hugged him, _again_, for the _third_ time in one day.

"Please _don't_ hate me!" She pleaded, burying her face into his plastron, once he'd turned back around. "_Please_!"

Leo hugged her tightly in return. "Lenni, did you not hear a word I said? I _love_ you, _no_ matter what. You're my baby sister, and whether _you_ like it or not I _am_ going to look out for you, as best I can."

"Even though I like to give you a hard time about everything?" Lenni queried, looking up at him through tears – she was rather overly sensitive and emotional at times. "And be a complete, and total brat?"

"Even then," Leo smiled genuinely, leaning down to kiss her head. "Because you're my sister."

"Will you tuck me in?" She asked randomly.

"Bit early for bed, don't you think?" Leo commented, raising an eye ridge at her. "Everyone else is still outside goofing off."

"Yeah, well, I'm tired," Lenni admitted. "Being a brat is exhausting, you know."

Leo gave a small chuckle at that. "Alright, hop on into bed, Kiddo."

Lenni did as she'd been told, for once, and crawled under the covers. She made a show of grabbing up her favourite teddy bear too – the one she'd had her whole life.

Leo tucked her in nice and tight, kissing her forehead one last night. "Night Kiddo, I love you."

"Night Leo," Lenni whispered. "Thanks. For everything."

"Anytime," Leo nodded. "That's what big brothers are for."

"I know. I hog Mikey enough," Lenni joked tiredly.

Leo laughed, as he headed on out of the room, making sure to leave the nightlight plugged in, on. She may've been twelve, but she still had a fear of the dark.

On his way out, he ran into Mikey in the hallway. He saw Mikey give a knowing smirk, and felt himself shrug.

"I have to solve this mystery sometime," he said. "Otherwise, things are going to get rather ugly."

"You did a good job today," Mikey commented. "I don't know exactly what you did, but whatever it was, I'm glad you did it. I haven't seen the Kid unable to just pick one emotion and stick with it, in a long time."

"And that's a good thing?"

"When it comes to her relationship with you, yes," Mikey nodded. "Just think about it Leo. She's torn up inside right now, because after _four____years, _she _finally_ gave in and hugged you again. She hasn't felt the urge to do so in forever. So whatever it was you did today triggered that long lost feeling inside of her. She loves you, Leo; even if she never openly says it or shows it."

"I just ride her too hard, for her to feel comfortable enough to show me, right?" Leo concluded. "I go all big bad, bossy, know-it-all leader on her more than I do caring big brother."

"Exactly," Mikey agreed. "Though, sometimes she pesters you just because it's what us younger siblings are _supposed_ to do, you know."

"Oh, I know," Leo said, rolling his eyes, though he cracked a small smile. "I'll be outside."

"I'll be keeping sleepy beauty company for a little bit, until I'm sure she's settled enough to sleep through the night," Mikey informed him. "I know how she ticks."

"All right. Night Mikey."

"Night Leo."

Mikey smirked some as he watched his oldest brother head on back downstairs. He'd never thought he'd see the day, where Leo managed to get Lenni to hug him on her own. He'd been trying to get her to do so for _years_, to no avail. He just wished she'd tell him what had suddenly triggered her need to hug Leo again.

Leo headed on back outside to the porch swing, sitting on it once more. He needed to go over his last two conversations in his head, to try and make sense of everything. He wasn't kidding when he said he wanted to solve the mystery of Lenni. Somehow, he'd the feeling it needed to be long solved before her time to take the Trials came, or there'd be dire consequences to pay.


End file.
